i love Samira Makhmalbaf

Damn, foiled by Pat Robertson again!

Tue, 23 May 2006 17:46:03 GMT

So i'm on day 4 of a 5 day detox fast to cleanse my system & all, when i discovered a much easier route would have been just to drink pat robertsons protein shake! Did y'all know that pat robertson can leg press 2,000lbs? which is 665 pounds greater than the record at florida state university where the guy burst capillaries in his eye doing it. And over 1600lb more than Madeleine Albright! screw the fast im drinkin the shake!

Warning to Karaoke lovers!

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 19:39:21 GMT

Karaoke Lovers, There is a Disturbing new Fascist Trend taking place in our local Karaoke world.
No longer is the Greatest threat to Karaoke the Duche bags that have ruined several local karaoke haunts (aka Bush Garden). Now we are Faced with the rise of the Karaoke Nazi! He has infiltrated several nights around town, spreading hate, intolerance, and a rigid behavioral code. I happened upon this evil saturday on a Trip to The Sunset Bowl's Karaoke Room. everything seemed normal at first, but when I tried to hand him a slip with my song on it he told me, "we don't do that here" and instructed me to log in to their "server" and select my song. the "server" makes sure everyone is limited to two songs and cuts off automatically at 1:00.
then he stated the rest of the Rules.
absolutely no drinking on stage,
absolutely no dancing anywhere,
absolutely no fowl language,
because he cares about his job...

then he sits on his stools and glares around the room making sure his code is enforced.

i also heard he refuses to play certain songs
because he finds them objectionable.

has anyone else ran into this asshole?

the Kek quiz

Thu, 19 May 2005 21:12:44 GMT

i just took the kek quiz. i wonder if i passed?

Kek: so, ok, which one....
Kek: Prince, Ted Bundy, o Timothy McVay?
me:? (pause)
Kek: Gotta be Ted Bundy right?
me: uh I dunno... what? (confused)
Kek: (walking away) TED!

lately kek has also been in the habit of playing the imaginary violin,
then tilting his head back and pointing it strait up in the air like Poindexter
did in the talent show from revenge of the nerds. he cracks me up.

ted bundy

Wed, 11 May 2005 17:01:03 GMT

another volume from our favorite workplace celebrity Kek

kek: Ted Bundy!
me: ?! ...
kek: ...ted bundy loves to kill people (slight chuckle).
me: nods
kek: ted bundy is dead right?
me: yup
kek: yeah, i heard they took his brain out or somthing
so, he dosent come back again like jesus.
me: ?
kek: and they examined it to see whats wrong in there.
me: what they find?
kek: he had like a mental function or something.
me: hmm...

Banya Tonight!

Tue, 10 May 2005 14:55:26 GMT

Ok, its Tuesday which means it time for Banya Tonight. anyone interested?
its the perfect cure for the spring drizzly doldrums that many of us may be feeling.
So come on, don't make me go all by myself... cause i will...
and it will be awesome.
did i mention they have Russian berry jam tea?
or that you can get whipped with wet leaves?
what are you waiting for?

bald eagle...

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 19:59:55 GMT

so i cant get this conversation out of my head i had at work
with this guy named Kek of the "Benny Hill conversation" fame
it goes like this:

kek: what's the eagle mean?
me: huh?
kek: you know, bald eagle....whats it mean? its important right?
me: hmm.. i guess its the national bird
kek: man, my friends so stupid..... he killed bald eagle!
me: ....?
kek: man, he's so stupid
kek: he's in jail now too...
kek: man

R.I.P. Hasil Adkins - The Wildest Wildman of Rock and Roll and inventor of "The Hunch"

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 16:09:10 GMT

if y'all don't know who Hasil is, you need to find out. I recommend
the documentary short, "The Wild World of Hasil Adkins" as a
great introduction.

enter the chocolate fountain!

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 19:43:50 GMT

today is national administrative professionals day!
which means at 3:00 there is a party for all the secretaries at the hutch and
they are giving us a chocolate fountain, cookies, ice cream, cake and wine.

and i also got a large sunny balloon, a big bag of jolly ranchers, and a big bag of pixy stix.
am i like the luckiest secretary in the whole wide world?

Chinatown!

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 05:05:25 GMT

ok, i'm at the theater right now projecting chinatown and i can't believe i haven't seen it before, it is fucking amazing! if any of y'all haven't seen this movie yet, i recommend getting your asses down to the North West Film Forum (on 12th in between Pike & Pine) to watch a nice 35mm print. its playing till thursday at 7 and 9:45 and should not be missed!

audiorty assault!

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 18:17:39 GMT

arrrg! for the second time this morning i am being tortured by the sounds of
the song, "like a rock" - the feature of many a car comerical- wafting in through the
doorway of my office. what the hell is going on here? and why? why?
i don't understand.
i hate everything right now.

silly videos

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 16:31:27 GMT

two little videos that have brightened my day

america we stand alone

and

apache

a new invention.

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 16:27:19 GMT

ok, so new chapter in the saga of my socially awkward morrocan co-worker.
he just came into my office to make a copy of something and was acting kinda weird. it looked like a he had a form for patenting an invention, so i asked him what he was patenting, and he got really secretive, took the copy and ran off. luckily i managed to catch a glimpse of the invention title, "automatic baby feeder". there was also a diagram attached which involved what looked like a helium balloon, various gears, and what was either a mini-conveyor belt or giant toothpaste tube pushing food into the baby's face. At the bottom of the form there was a list of places that he wanted to sell it at which included: wall mart, k-mart, fred meyer, and target.

Daily workplace conversation...

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 18:42:17 GMT

So, I work with this Laosian man named Kek, every day i swear we have the same conversation and every day it usually goes something like this:

Kek: Benny Hill Show!
Me: yup, benny hill show.
Kek: they got benny hill show on dvd or something?
me: probably.
Kek: I like the bad guy on benny hill show.
me: yup.
Kek: (in hushed tone) you know the girls on benny hill show?
me: uhuh.
Kek: (whispers) they're all playboy
Kek: (continues whispering) there all x-rated.
Kek: do you think benny hill probably had sex with them right?
me: i guess.
Kek: Benny hill must be a millionaire right?
Kek: Benny Hill is dead right?
me: (nods head slightly)
Kek: i gotta get dvd or something.

it usually goes something like that, sometimes a little longer, sometimes shorter, but this is the average length. the rest of day there are usually intermittent
exclamations by Kek of "Benny Hill Show!!", when ever you make eye contact with him, or walk by him, or there is a lull in the air.
its been going on so long that it seems almost normal. sometimes there are other topics, usually other tv shows, i'll transcribe another conversation another time.

if you do not love this song you do not love life!

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 18:34:48 GMT

Ok, this song is so infectious it makes me wanna scream, roll around, smash oranges with my bare hands run outside in my underwear and jump on cars playing air guitar with an old wooden tennis racket, then smash it to pieces on the sidewalk. I just wish the video had some old concert footage or something from back in the day rather than the puppets. they had to be one amazing band!

just click on the lady with the orange fro for the quicktime to start.

interesting

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 16:16:47 GMT

so my Moroccan co-worker (of post-it-note Viagra joke fame) told me
there is a city in Morocco where they make tons of movies, the so called "Hollywood of Africa". Many times when a Hollywood movie needs an Arab or middle eastern city or "brown people" to put in them they use Morocco and Moroccans. While he was watching "Rules of Engagement" there was a part that was supposed to be in Yemen, but all the Yemenis were speaking Moroccan Arabic, the same thing happend when he was watching some movie about Jesus, which could also be fairly confusing. It made me think about watching some crazy version of the Godfather were all the Italian American mobsters have thick unintelligible Scottish accents, and it made me smile.

the winning combination

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 19:43:48 GMT

ok so i've found the winning combination it goes like this:

Banya 5
+
Maneki
+
Every Tuesday Night
=
the best possilbe thing in the world!

Tonight is time for Banya!

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 18:04:27 GMT

Dzien dobry My fellow Slavs and not Slavs,
tonight is time for Banya.
I make Tuseday Night Banya Club for you Tonight for first time.
It is very nice.
Banya is good time, very healthy thing.
it is time for the sweat and cleaning our bodies, yes?
Come feel health with me tonight.

Nazdrowie!

no joke...

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 18:46:08 GMT

ok, so a moment ago at work my socially nervous moroccan co-worker
asked me if i wanted to hear a joke. i said ok, then he proceeded
to take out of his pocket a post-it-note with the joke written on it.
he read awkwardly in a monotone voice the following:

"There is more money being spent on breast
implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's
research. This means that by 2040, there
should be a large elderly population with perky
boobs and huge erections and absolutely no
recollection of what to do with them."

i cannot imagine a more perfect delivery of the joke,
it was like from a movie or something.

GOOGOOSH FEST 2005

Wed, 16 Mar 2005 19:53:48 GMT

in anticipation of Noruz I downloaded 12 googoosh albums the other day and today i'm listening to them all at work. Although I can't understand a lick of Farsi some of the songs are just so beautiful they bring me to tears. I'm particularly fond of her older songs, she even does a song with a traditional Iranian folk ensemble, i love it!... of course there is the requisite sappy string section all over the place, but even that is endearing in its own epic sort of way.

10 things

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 16:30:26 GMT

in the spirit of 10 things i've done that you haven't lists floating around:

1. I was found unconscious on the side of the street at 2am by the turkish police after being drugged and mugged in Istanbul.

2. I was captain of the Football team and Second Team "ALL-METRO" my senior year in High School.

3. Once bought 18 Pairs of vintage "dead stock" powder blue socks, and 24 striped ties after spending 6 hours strait on Ebay.

4. Read so many Catholic comic books as a kid that i had continuous nightmares of getting the stigmata.

5. Jumped into the back seat of a slow moving convertible jeep near the burbank Freeway escaping from the clutches of a self help author/photographer/sexual predator.

6. saw a man with his head on fire, lying flat on the ground after being thrown from his cherry picker when he collided with a high voltage line on capitol hill.

7. at one time had modeling agencies in New York and L.A. during my failed modeling career.

8. got punched and choked in the front seat of my car by a jealous ex-boyfriend lurking in the alley after kissing a girl good night.

9. Ate a Christmas dinner with some famous opera singers in an old Medici mansion in Florence.

10. Lost 40lbs in a span of 5 months my senior year in high school.

Latenight Movie @ 11:30 Saturday Feb 12!!!!!!!

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 19:11:45 GMT

11:30pm this Saturday night at the North West Film Forum I will be showing
my favorite Film Black Cat, White Cat by Emir Kusturica. Its a crazy, wild, raucous,
unadulterated Balkan Gypsy Party, and its FREE!!! so come bring your red bulls, coffee, no doze,
vodka, whiskey and gin and celebrate my birthday with me in true Balkan fashion.
you will not regret it.

My Birthday!

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 17:33:31 GMT

Hey everyone, My birthday is this weekend and i was seeing if anybody wanted to join me for some
karaoke this sunday in order to celebrate? I'm thinking that Vito's might be the best cause its
not too crowded and its close by, and they have a pretty large selection.

has anybody ever been to Banya5 the russian bathhouse? i was thinking of checking it out on
friday evening with whoever was interested.